CONCERT REVIEW: R. Stevie Moore + Bobby Conn

May 17, 2012 by Seany B in Concert Reviews with 0 Comments

The guy who uncreative assholes would define as Santa Claus returned to Metro Detroit May 15th and played The Loving Touch with fellow touring band, Bobby Conn.

As probably expected, Lord Scrummage played a solid 25 minute set beforehand, although I wish they brought back the person in the green spandex suit. There’s nothing like a revealing outfit accompanied by an apparent penis to sweeten an event.

Although Bobby Conn technically headlined the evening, the general crowd clearly was anticipating R. Stevie Moore, nonetheless they managed to keep easily most of the crowd’s attention. It was a pleasant surprise to witness a short man in eyeliner and platform shoes lead an odd funk and almost new wave-sounding band which included a violin player. As it was a record release tour for them, their new album “Macaroni” was played in its entirety and then some, which probably would have been well worth the purchase, yet unfortunately here in Michigan, records and beer are both exchanged for the same currency. Even though they played for roughly an hour, their sound managed to not go stale.

Usually when a larger 60 year old man is spotted drinking a bottle of wine while wearing a pair of licensed red Monopoly pants, us fellows hold our significant others just a tad tighter. In this case, when they rock as hard as R. Stevie Moore does, we still wouldn’t feel honored to lend our naked and willing sweethearts to him, but maybe the thought of it isn’t nearly as depressing. The decades of music production really showed through with his energy and relative song variety. R. Stevie Moore’s tunes were rather unpredictable while being surprisingly catchy. Even if it was disappointing that he only played for a maximum of 45 minutes, my eight dollars were well paid off. If my father could pick his nose then lick his finger on stage while seeming to maintain a solid knowledge of current humor and underground culture like R. Stevie Moore, he could run a pretty penny on the ole’ slave market.

If you’re interested in getting a better idea of how the show went, you’re in luck!

An Open Letter To The Metro Times

May 15, 2012 by Revoir in Editorials with 6 Comments

In response to the short piece in your City Slang section, I would like to request a correction. The author of this section, Brett Callwood, ends the short review with the pointed question “who cares?” in reference to a single by The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre. It seems that Brett cares just enough to mention it, but not enough to actually listen to what he’s reviewing. He blithely names the title of the new single as “Revoir/People Are Afraid to Merge”. The single is actually a split-single from The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre and Revoir (the latter not being a song title, but an artist). But here is where it gets complex; Revoir actually covers the song “People Are Afraid to Merge” originally written by The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre. The inability of the author to recognize the concept behind the release makes it seem doubtful that he actually took the time to listen to the music he was reviewing. If he had then he may have realized that both songs, albeit different in tone, have the same lyrics and basic chord structures. Thank you for your consideration.

WHO CARES?!? YOU CARE!!! CHECK OUT THE SPLIT SINGLE HERE http://checkersrecordscollective.bandcamp.com/album/people-are-afraid-to-merge

thanks to Natasha Beste of the band Odd Hours for the photo and just being generally brilliant

Go to Hell. Stay away. No one likes you.

May 15, 2012 by Reginald in Editorials with 1 Comment

It’s very rare that I view something that produces such a visceral response within me that I become filled with a rage I cannot understand. Sure, I see things that make me angry–social injustices or shitty art–but I get why it angers me. “the very first detroit team video” was something new in this regard.

If you haven’t seen the video yet I’ll give you a quick summary: 5 fucktards from Texas sit on a couch and talk about how they’re going to come here and save us with Jesus. The description for the video reads: “yo. it’s us. we love jesus, each other and the city of detroit.”

To which I reply, “Yo. Fuck off.”

If you desire to know what it is like to want to bash in the faces of 5 people so that there is nothing but 5 concave holes and remnants of teeth, by all means, go and watch the video. I’ll point out a few of the gems these half-wits spew for those with less time.

1.) They bandy about the terms “ancient ruins” and “slums”. While these descriptions may pertain to parts of Detroit its obnoxious when it slips from the privileged tongues of these brats. It’s also not going to endear them to the “miserable wretches” they hope to save.

2.) One of these holy-rollers is signing up for Teach For America, so she’s participating in the destruction of public education and Unions. Popular with Rick Snyder–not so much the average citizen.

3.) God told one of these dicks, Martin, to open a coffee shop. Odd that it’s not like a non-profit or a homeless shelter but rather something that will help with the accumulation of material goods. Oh, and the Teach For America scab declares she is going to be working with–and I am seriously not making this up–”children who have never experienced love”.

That last item is the one that really got me. It brings into greater clarity just how condescending and arrogant these pricks are. They love the Jeebus. They love the God. They think he actually dictates their actions. So, following that to its logical conclusion–God did this to Detroit.

He set these events in motion.

And, even better, he pre-ordained them to be the saviors. He created decades of corruption and apathy so that one day these dip-shits could fix it. He destroyed families and ruined lives with a crack epidemic so that Suzy Jo could make it all better with Jesus and a hug. He ravaged the manufacturing sector so that 20 years down the line a Texan could open a coffee shop.

The whole thing runs like a gag. A skit. Worse, its a naive attempt to cash in on all the truly horrendous and wonderful things that have taken place in Detroit. To the outsider, woe has become fashionable. This stunt is just the latest part of a continuing fad.

It’s pity disguised as charity.

As numerous other YouTube commentators have told “the detroit team”: We don’t want you here. No one wants you here. We will crush your souls and make you guzzle PBR. Stay where you are or go somewhere else, but do not bring this idiotic, quasi-religious profiteering here. Fuck off…and please learn how to capitalize.

EDIT: The video was made private by the group that posted and then through the magic of the internet re-appeared. Enjoy.

Playing Tonight at the Crofoot: Reptar

May 11, 2012 by Molly Jean in Detroit Concerts with 0 Comments

CALLING ALL 90s NOSTALGIA DWELLERS:

There is a band called Reptar performing tonight at the Crofoot Ballroom.

Think about it for a minute. Reptar. Sounds familiar, right?

Think Nicktoons.

Think Tommy Pickles.

That’s right—in Rugrats, Reptar was the Godzilla-esque dinosaur that left Tommy & the gang awestruck at every appearance. I’m going to take a wild guess that the band Reptar was named after the same.

And running with the theme of 90s throwbacks, take a look at their awesome website. They have the Windows ’95 look down to a T, complete with 24-bit Wordpad icons and a Microsoft-y faded teal color scheme. It’s probably best viewed on Netscape.

But that’s not to say Reptar’s music is at all mired in the past—quite the contrary.

The synthy-indie-dance-pop quartet hail from Athens, GA. Their tunes are upbeat, with layer upon layer of glassy guitars, tropical vibes, harmonies, and relentless percussion. It’s as if Foster the People joined up with Paul Simon for a coke binge on a stolen hot air balloon over a pixelated neon landscape. Good times.

Body Faucet, Reptar’s debut album, was released May 1 on Vagrant records. It was produced by Ben Allen, who’s also worked with Animal Collective and Deerhunter.

They’re bright, they’re summery, they’re fun—and appropriately enough, today’s forecast is 75 and sunny. Why not check them out?