Category archives: Editorials

  • Another Assclown Calls For A 'National Dialogue'

  • Early Monday morning, yet another assclown called for a "national dialogue" on some sort of bullshit. "I think its important that we pretend we're going to have this illusory conversation that ultimately doesn't solve the bullshit I'm talking about," said the assclown. A recent study from the Pew Research Group found that 95-percent of respondents prefered to avoid uncomfortable topics but e[...]
  • Don't Listen To This Band: The Solar System

  • As someone who has been Saved, I review music from the perspective of my faith. That is why I must warn you about this band The Solar System. Don’t listen to them. Cheese 'n rice...another Detroit band has found psychedelia. Well, before your ears find it--let me warn you! Psychedelia came from the 1960's...a period of time where men and women eschewed contemporary morals and began to worship t[...]
  • New Bryan Metro Kickstarter To Refund the Funders

  • Our resident guru/yoga instructor Bryan Metro was leading the staff through their morning exercises--we find this assists morale and lowers our healthcare costs--when he started speaking at length about crowd sourcing.  Metro is a big fan of this process.  It's how he funds his potato farm (a $10 pledge gets you 3 potatoes!) and several programs for at-risk youth--namely the The Bryan Metro Urban [...]
  • MCR welcomes Justice--our new staff writer

  • With -Jr still examining archeological relics in the Congo and Barman occupied with his train set there has become an apparent need for additional writers at MCR. That is why we are glad to welcome our newest contributor...Justice! Justice has some extensive blog writing skills and--most importantly--he is not a robot. We met up at Pig & Whiskey and I witnessed him consume both meat and boo[...]
  • Unhappy people commit suicide; no fucking shit

  • Hey everybody! Check out this fucking genius—Dr. Melinda Moore, a clinical psychologist, who must also hold a degree in stating shit that is so fucking obvious it doesn’t require mention. The brain trust that is Dr. Moore has made a super-radical discovery: unhappy people commit suicide! Well, no fucking shit. And—here’s another newsflash—since the world is like on the goddamn brink of destruct[...]
  • President Obama reacts to tornado disaster; outlines plan to wiretap victims

  • In the wake of a deadly tornado that ripped through Oklahoma, President Obama has responded by outlining plans to wiretap victims of the disaster. "We won't know the full scope until the Department of Justice conducts an invasive search that undermines privacy," explained the President, "Who knows...perhaps some of these 'victims' were colluding with the tornado? Giving out detailed planes of w[...]
  • Friday Night at the Blowout

  • The Ferndale contingent of Blowout marches on. Enough has been written about whether a more focused event held on one weekend in Hamtramck would have been better (it would have), but walking through Ferndale does allow ample opportunity to laugh at the club scene that seems to have sprung up there. The Library seemed to be the epicenter of the evening. Phantom Cats opened up—fucking amazing as [...]
  • Lions sink to new low; blackmail free agents

  • After the Lions acquired top free agents Reggie Bush, Glover Quin, and Jason Jones many insiders speculated the team had relied on blackmail to lure players into signing. Earlier this afternoon, GM Martin Mayhew confirmed the rumors at a press conference. “Previously, we’ve tried any number of black magic ceremonies and they just weren’t effective. So, we dug up some dirt and presto—we’ve go[...]
  • Kilpatrick defense presents closing arguments; Thomas performs 'sexy dance'

  • The corruption case against Kwame Kilpatrick is winding down, with Jim Thomas, defense lawyer for Kilpatrick, presenting closing arguments this morning. "A lot of facts have been presented to you," explained Thomas, "But there's one fact that hasn't been presented. Something you may not know. Back in college...times were tough. Money was tight. And I had to...DANCE!!!" At this point Thomas g[...]