Kilpatrick defense presents closing arguments; Thomas performs ‘sexy dance’

The corruption case against Kwame Kilpatrick is winding down, with Jim Thomas, defense lawyer for Kilpatrick, presenting closing arguments this morning.

“A lot of facts have been presented to you,” explained Thomas, “But there’s one fact that hasn’t been presented. Something you may not know. Back in college…times were tough. Money was tight. And I had to…DANCE!!!”

At this point Thomas gave what appeared to be a pre-arranged signal to the bailiff who then dimmed the lights. With the opening keyboard riff from Prince’s ‘1999’ blasting Thomas began to saunter around the courtroom.

As jurors and the public began to clap in rhythm, Thomas first removed his jacket and then slowly undid his tie. Swinging it about like a lasso, Thomas teased several members of the jury before finally flinging the tie to a clamoring Carlita Patrick, who was sitting in the row behind her husband.

A commensurate showman, Thomas then stood on the defense table and began to undo buttons from his Brooks Brothers dress shirt–occasionally pausing to playfully shake his head ‘no’ before finally removing the garment in its entirety.

With ‘1999’ fading out and the classic ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ beginning, Thomas prepared for his grand finale; expertly nailing three backflips and doing the splits.

With the crowd now at a fever pitch, Thomas ripped off his break away dress pants.

“The defense rests!” he exclaimed.

Thomas then politely handed the pants to Juror No. 4 and blew a kiss to the rest of the awe-struck jurors.

Throughout the closing argument U.S. Attorney Michael Bullotta attempted to object, but was overruled by Judge Nancy Edmunds on ‘the basis of sexiness’, a little known legal precedent set in the Rosenberg trial of 1953.

Reginald avatar 96x96 Kilpatrick defense presents closing arguments; Thomas performs sexy dance editorial


Reginald T. Shark received his bachelors at the University of Honolulu. He was the operating theater reporter for the New York Post from 1989 until 1993. His interests include the Selachimorpha Rights Movement,the board game Shark Attack, other things with cartilage, and boxing. He is a regular contributor to the Discovery Channel Shark

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  1. Wavatar
    by Tamara on February 12, 2013  2:23 pm Reply

    Almost caught that tie...then Carlita stomped my head!

  2. Wavatar
    by Paul on February 12, 2013  2:23 pm Reply

    A very convincing performance! Should sway the jury

  3. Wavatar
    by Ghoulish on February 12, 2013  2:24 pm Reply

    Disappointed he didn't use sexual healing

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