Interview with President Obama on Revoir, Grind Scheme

Our very own Popular Teen Girl, Becky, sat down with President Barack Obama to discuss this weekend’s two big shows: Revoir’s album release at the New Dodge and Grind Scheme’s appearance at the Lager House. Both shows are Saturday and cost 5 bucks–doors open at 9 p.m.

Popular Teen Girl: kk, who u goin 2 c this weekend?!?!? grind scheme r revoir???

President Obama: First let me thank you for the chance to sit down and speak with you. I am a big fan of your writing. Let me also say I’m very excited for the release of Wondertheist and I love that the band is putting their music out on tape. Live performances by Revoir always add a new dimension to the songs, too. I’m also a huge fan of Elle and the Fonts and Sheefy McFly. Those groups sort of merging made me come my pants…hard! So my goal is to make both shows and split my time between  Lager House and New Dodge.

PTG: U still do president stuff whn u go out??

Oh, for sure. Most of the job is just killing people, or ordering people to be killed, or torturing them so they’re almost dead. Telling lies is important, too. Fortunately, I have an app that can launch drone attacks. I’m hoping to kill a few innocents and then sit in on “How to Make a Fist”. I have an idea for a bass line that I think would really fit in.

PTG: Ne other big planz 4 da weekend?

Relentlessly pursue hacktivists till they commit suicide.

PTG: Whtz up wit my bff Stacy l8tly?!?!?

I don’t know. She’s been acting like a real bitch since Homecoming. It’s probably because she’s such a slut.

PTG: Ty Mr. President!!

No problem. When do you turn 18?

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PopularTeenGirl

Becky is the most popular girl at her high school. Since the 8th grade she has maintained a defunct personality that alienates her peers and makes them crave her acceptance. In 2010, she successfully masterminded a Facebook/Twitter post war over "stupid ugly fat bitches that keep giving her shit". Becky writes a weekly column on local shows.

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